Time has flown – Transplant time.

Tomorrow (provided there is a hospital bed available) I take the next step of my journey with cancer. I’m off to hospital to receive my high dose chemotherapy. I’ll rest on Wednesday then on Thursday the stem cells taken from me earlier will be returned to me (strictly speaking this is called a graft as I’m getting my own cells back but it is regularly referred to as a transplant), I’ll be transferred from the Freeman hospital back to Sunderland Royal. I was offered the chance to stay at the Freeman but logistically it’s easier for me to be at Sunderland. If my blood counts haven’t fully dropped then I might be allowed home for a couple of days, returning to stay in hospital for a while once the counts have dropped. I’ll stay in Sunderland until the counts are up again.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive about this next step because I’m not fully sure what to expect. I’ve had the chats with the nurses, consultants etc. and they do their best to prepare you and I’ve read a few blogs where people are sharing their stories but I’m still pretty nervous about it. The biggest positive I can take at the moment is that they guaranteed I’ll lose my hair with this chemo which, if you know me, is fine as my hair is pretty much long gone already. I guess the only sensible thing to do is to do what the doctors and nurses tell me to do and it will be fine. They have seen me alright so far and besides most of what I’ve been through this year has been with the aim to get me to this point. Get this out of the way and hopefully the cancer can be classed as in remission. Since the very beginning I’ve had this period of time on my radar. A focus point if you like.

I think that following the advice of the NHS staff is probably the best tip I could share so far. I’ve come quite a long way this year. The time has just flown by since my initial diagnosis. Below I’ve added some more tips that have helped me along so if you are going through the same thing then I hope this helps but as always I acknowledge that your journey will be very personal to you and not necessarily the same as mine.

Firstly, try to be positive.  It’s not easy all the time. I’ve had times when I’ve been far from positive.  You might have seen the cancer advert on TV about it being a lonely place? It can be, not necessarily because you are on your own but because it can be extremely difficult to tell people what you’re going through or what you’re thinking. I’m very lucky as I am married to an amazing woman. If I’m a bit down then she gives me the boot in the arse I need to get me back up again. I can talk to her about anything although I do try my best not to burden her with it all as it can be difficult for her too. I would hope that she has also found someone other than me to talk too. Nicola says our new family motto is “wing it” , the Latin for which is “Cornu illud” (according to google) so I think I’ll have a crest made. Just remember the people around you also need support; it’s not all about you.

So then my next tip would be to talk to people. You’ll quickly establish who you can talk too. It might be a family member or a stranger; it doesn’t matter as long as you don’t bottle it up. It may be that you can’t speak to people face to face and if that’s the case then consider writing it down. Use forums on the various support group sites to speak to others going through the same thing you are. I started writing this blog because it’s easier for me to write things down sometimes. I also find it an easier way to explain things. I know some of my family read these ramblings of mine so it can help me to answer any questions they might have without having to talk it over all the time, particularly at the times when I’d rather not speak about it.

Try to find your own focus point in your treatment plan. Something to aim towards. Mine has always been this point in time. My next focus point will be getting out of hospital and looking forward to getting my back operation to help with my mobility and reduce the pain in my back. I’m pretty confident that it will all go to plan as I have faith in the NHS.

Next I’d reiterate that you are not the only one going through this. There are thousands of others. It’s not all doom and gloom. There is always someone somewhere worse off than you are. I don’t say that in a ridiculing way to them but rather to remember that this is the case and as a reminder to be thankful that I’m in a position of being able to receive treatment and to be lucky in that I have the help and support of the people around me.

Next I’d say that you need to find something to do. If like me you’ve been unable to go to work then find something to do. Occupy the mind. I’m a keen photographer and my mobility problems have temporarily stopped me from being able to do that however it hasn’t stopped me researching techniques online or from practicing new Photoshop techniques. I’m keen on web design so have been doing bits for a friend of mine who plays in a band. I’ve tidied up his website and put together some of his gig posters when I’ve felt up to it. I’ve also watched endless amount of courses on PHP and Java programming (may sound boring to you I know but it’s something I’ve wanted to find the time to do for a long time now). I still don’t fully understand it so it gives me something to continue to do. There is a great group on YouTube called the New Boston and they offer courses on everything from home brewing to computer programming and I watch a lot of their stuff.  Take up reading or knitting, watch a TV series. Do whatever floats your boat but find something otherwise things can become very depressive very quickly.

I think that’s enough for now so the next time I post will be to let you know what happened in hospital with the stem cell graft. 🙂